^{Fair Game}

The Durham Fair is a pretty big deal in my town. It's the largest fair in Connecticut and the largest volunteer run fair in New England. During a three day stretch, 230,000 people walked through the gates of the fair put on by my town of some 7,000. I did my bit to inflate those numbers this weekend. My house is pretty close to the fairgrounds. Bo Diddley's set from a few years back managed to reach my backyard. Given the proximity and the fact that my four year old daughter is old enough for the all-the-rides-you-can- stomach wristband, we went all three days.

An extended stay relieves you of those troubling fair issues. When you come on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, you don't fret about what to eat for lunch, the fried dough with pizza sauce or the pancake with corn and cheese in the middle. You've got opportunities for both. When the line for the giant donuts is itself giant, that's okay.

I spotted the best sign ever on a tip jar. "TIPS HELP US GET DRUNK!" Don't you want to give a tip even if you're not buying anything? "Don't you boys waste this on college."

Speaking of waste ... coming down a hill, we spotted an obvious politician clogging up the road. He was surrounded by a dozen or so supporters wearing "I back Jack" T-shirts. The supporters were all white guys in their twenties so clearly this guy was a Republican. I steered the stroller in a wide arc around him. Mrs. BoneDaddy and I figured out it was Jack Orchulli, gunning for Chris Dodd's rather secure seat in the U.S. Senate.

He caused us some problems later in the day. His camp had moved to a different hill, still blocking traffic. We spotted his balloons from a few hundred feet away. My daughter had been talking about getting a balloon for days. She's crazy for balloons. Unfortunately, these balloons said "Bush Country" on them. Jack, who we certainly do not back, approached Mrs. BoneDaddy, who was pushing the stroller at that point, and offered them a balloon. "No, thank you," Mrs. BoneDaddy said, politely but firmly. Mrs. BoneDaddy is all class. She didn't point at this guy, who is likely to lose by about twenty points and say, "Hey, Dead Man walking!" (For the record, I doubt Jack heard me and I have no sympathy for the goons who did.)

So my of course my daughter, denied her long sought after balloon, starts crying. I'd like to take a moment to say, Fuck you Jack Orchulli. Obviously, many apolitical people and even Democrats aren't going to go through the trouble of denying their children a balloon. So the next thing you know the Durham Fair is awash in Jack Orchulli/Bush Country balloons when people don't for a second support Jack Orchulli. They support balloons.

I tried to calm my daughter down by reminding her that there were many balloons we don't take. The big Mylar balloons with the Disney characters that cost money, the balloons on the wall for dart-throwing, etc. She was too sharp. "They were giving them away!" Really, I have to keep up. She's beyond the confuse-them-and-move-on stage. So we had to explain that this was one more thing her parents were going to deny her. It wasn't too bad. Compared to many kids, she's been denied a lot of TV and sugar. It was a learning opportunity. We don't take candy from pedophiles or balloons from Republicans.

Anyway, while we were stalled with this negotiation a volunteer from the Durham Fair threaded her way through the Orchulli fraternity and said, "You can't do this here." Of course, to have your space at the fair and to peddle your wares, you have to pay for your location. Orchulli had just set up shop with his goons and his helium tank in the middle of the street and the Durham Fair people were asking him to clear out. My daughter had calmed down and was being whisked out of sight of the balloons, but I hung back to witness this. How much do you think I would have paid to watch a Republican candidate for Senate getting kicked off a fairground? Can you put a price on that? I've heard him interviewed and he's obnoxious enough for me to wish I had a digital camera that records movies. I know what I spent over the weekend - all the grease, cheese, sugar, coffee, rides and one gift - and even if I'd gotten nothing, it would have been worth it. I love eavesdropping, so I listened to as much as I could while pretending to weigh the relative merits of a bloomin' onion versus onion rings.

How bad was it? Let me put it this way: I started to have some sympathy for Jack Orchulli. I mean, let's face it, he's going to get crushed and he's got to smile through the whole thing. He probably has very little money, since the usual GOP donors probably recognize a money hole and have tied up their money trying to keep Rowland out of jail. He's reduced to pleading for just a second of your time because you happen to be walking by. (Maybe I shouldn't feel too bad for him. The last family values conservative to challenge a popular Democratic Senator from Connecticut actually did turn out to be a pedophile. Wouldn't you feel ill if you ever took a balloon from that guy?)

This isn't the kind of thing they can put on a schedule. "12:15 - Senate candidate Jack Orchulli tossed off fairgrounds by polite, 60 year old woman. See Jack's squad of goons turn from glare to glum." How could next year be anything but a letdown?

By the way, big props to the fine folks at State Farm Insurance, who cheerfully hand out their balloons from their properly-paid-for booth.