^{Elton John and Eminem: Two Divas, No Waiting ...}

Did anyone catch the industry flak introducing Eminem, saying that the Grammys are not about commercializing art? The Grammys, he said, promote music that not everyone wants to hear. This guy should get an Oscar, an Emmy, a Golden Globe, a People's Choice Award, a SAG award, a Blockbuster Award and a TV Guide Award and whatever else they give out these days for delivering that with a straight face. The Grammys are about promoting unpopular music? I thought they just tallied up sales figures to give 'em out. Can anyone seriously tell me that Eminem would be on stage at the Grammys if his album had only sold a few thousand? "Hey, lets get that guy who raps about killing his wife! You know, the 'Bleed, bitch, bleed' guy!"

Two big surprises came out of the Grammys. First, Americans were shocked to learn that the members of Steely Dan are still alive. Second, Elton John joined Eminem on stage for a duet. Actually, that second one wasn't a surprise since CBS promoted the appearance non-stop. CBS, desperately trying to make the Grammys hip, continued the fawning over Eminem that has saturated print and broadcast media lately. As Eric Boehlart writes, music critics generally downplayed or excused Eminem's lyrics in order to praise his album. Since then, Eminem has been framed as a free speech poster boy after the necessary but kinda predictable protests from NOW and GLAAD. Eminem has been pampered, coodled, showcased, promoted, hyped and now rewarded more than any artist in recent memory, and yet he still whines in music and interviews about his treatment at the hands of record companies, music critics and the press. I'm disappointed the controversy over Eminem has fallen into the rut of censorship versus free speech, as if we have no critical faculties to talk about politics in music and the meaning of lyrics. As if plugging our ears or wholesale celebration are the only options. I think many - myself included - steer away from the subject because we don't want to sound like Lynn Cheney or Rudy Guilliani. Unforunately, this fear of being called politically correct drains music criticism until it is only safe to trash bands like the Backstreet Boys. At the last Video Music Awards I watched (which may be two shows ago, I'm not sure), about six or seven verbal slapdowns were directed from the podium to N'Sync and the Backstreet Boys. Now, I'm no fan of the boy bands, but we're talking about easy and safe targets. How come no one gave even a jab to Limp Bizkit, Eminem or Kid Rock? Gutless.

Of course, this fear of seeming like a prude makes me give the obligatory disclaimer: I am not in favor of censoring anyone. Eminem can sing about stabbing "fags" and gang-raping ten year old girls all he wants and, frankly, he only sounds like the cleverest prepubescent in the park. The recording industry and MTV couldn't care less about his lyrics either. If it brings in the money you can say it. ("If Adolf Hitler were here today/ They'd send a limosine anyway...")

We should be able to discuss lyrics in a way that gets beyond "Is it bad for the children?" What I keep hearing about Eminem is the line pushed by the Recording Industry flak at the Grammys claiming Eminem is the "voice of rebellion." Again, with a straight face! Eminem seems to rebel mainly against is his mom, women in general and gays. Is he trying to depict a character (Slim Shady) so tortured by sensitivity PSAs and Will & Grace that he has to lash out? I haven't heard anyone try to elaborate on the "rebellion" angle beyond one line, possibly because it quickly sounds silly.

Others, including Eminem himself, have tried to claim that his music is a form of satire. In an MTV interview, an ass-kissing Kurt Loder didn't ask for an elaboration on this. (The tough questions went along the lines of "You like pushing buttons, don't you?") Satire isn't just what you're pointing at when you use the word. What is the object of the satire? The people he's provoking? I don't get it. If I poke you with a stick, you say "Cut it out." The response seems predictable and reasonable, while the instigation is a little weird. To put it another way, if I (I'm a white guy by the way) released an album filled with violent, racist imagery, rapping about stabbing, shooting and drowning blacks and included the lyric "Hate niggers? The answer's yes," I would get a reaction. Am I satirizing the people I knew would react? Who's the idiot here?

It doesn't seem like a great explaination. "I'm just celebrating rape and gay-bashing so I can make fun of women and gays for how touchy they are." Or is this an elaborate self-parody? This is a long shot, but bear with me. Is Eminem parodying the misogyny and sexism of hard core rap by pushing the content to the extreme and showing that there is no limit? Is he showing that no matter how stupid and degenerate the lyrics get, suburban white boys will grab it if it's dressed up as rebellion? Is he like the pied piper, playing a trick on his blind audience? This plan only works if Eminem eventually reveals the joke, coming out as a radical feminist and, as Jon Stewart suggested, a "totally gay guy." I'm not holding my breath, but it makes as much sense as him saying "When I say faggot, I don't necessarily mean a homosexual."

(For those who haven't heard the album, Eminem does go on - and on and on - about specific sex acts and guys marrying other guys. He really does mean homosexual when he says faggot. Claiming he doesn't suggests to me he wants to play both sides of the fence. Gay-bashing for his audience, but gentle for the cameras.)

Some critics have made the claim that Eminem is to be celebrated simply as a voice from the id, saying whatever he wants, damn the consequences. Of course, it's flat out wrong. Eminem recorded a song for the Marshall Mathers LP about the Columbine killings. It portrayed the two killers as heroic revenge-seekers. At the suggestion of his record company, Eminem pulled the song. It's not a bonus track, it's not a B-side, it's not performed live and he never refers to it. You see, this song would have upset straight men. You know, real people.

If the Marshall Mathers LP were a novel, people could talk about it without falling into McLaughlin Group simpleton antics. (Okay, I'm aware there are some book-burners out there as well as some fans who blindly celebrate their idiot king - cough, cough, Tom Clancy, cough - but for the most part we would be treated to better criticism.)

By stepping on stage with Eminem, Elton John provided the little creep with political cover. CBS got a media event out of the duet and I guess Elton got to appear current. Of course, Elton John's music has always been as vacuous and sappy as the N'Sync ballads Eminem claims to hate, but Elton John did something the boy bands can't. He put Eminem in the clear and silenced a discussion that, as far as I'm concerned, never got started.