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Things I owe........ added 6/13/00
My three month old daughter is beautiful and good-natured. So far, the
only thing she seems to get from me is her disgust with the notion that
people have to sleep.
The average baby allegedly sleeps twelve to fifteen hours a day, which sounds like a cruel myth to me. After ten or fifteen minutes of napping, she wakes up, terrified that she might be missing something. She insists on being carried around our tiny apartment so she can inspect each pile of clutter. It's all fascinating to her and she doesn't want to miss anything by sleeping. All of which is fine. I mean, who wants a lazy baby, right? Except when she's upset at our unreasonable expectations that she sleep at two a.m. or so. And when she's really upset because shes been up for seven or eight hours and can't figure out why she's so tired. ("Waaah! How come crying isn't helping?! Waaaah!") Then we try all our tricks to get her to sleep. She likes dancing to ska music - meaning being held by a dancing Mom or Dad - which is great but tiring for Mom and Dad, not Baby. Sometimes she seems more upset when the dancing slows down. ("Waaah! Why did I get lazy parents?! Waaaah!") We try lullabies also, especially the "Hush Little Baby" song, otherwise known as the "Mama's Gonna Buy You ..." song, otherwise known as the "Shut Up" song. For a while, back in my inexperienced new-father days, I just sang the first two lines over and over. Hush little baby
That pretty much contains the gist of the song, right? I didn't know the rest of the words. Also, I didn't want to set up the whole bribery dynamic so early. It only took a few thousand trips back and forth across the living room for me to start in with the "Mama's gonna buy you ..." part of the song. And then it kind of snowballed and I started making all kinds of promises in exchange for quiet. I think maybe that's why Ivy is so good-natured now. She actually thinks this stuff is coming to her. This may be a source of tension in our father-daughter relationship, on account of I promised her all sorts of things she shouldn't have and we can't get. And if that cobra snake don't spit
Like I said, I don't really know the words. I promised her Noah's Ark (in case "that howling dog won't bark.") At one point I promised her a "big fat jerk." And if that big fat jerk displeases - and what are the chances? I mean, he's a big fat jerk! - she's due a month of sneezes. Why she would want either is beyond me, but if it calms her down, I promise it. She thinks she's getting a Mountain Dew. And if the Mountain Dew don't jolt, she may be expecting a lightning bolt. And if the lightning bolt I somehow delivers fails to spark, I promised her Noah's Ark, which really got her upset. ("Waaah! I already have that, you big jerk! Waaah!") And if that combat boot don't stomp
I'm not sure which is worse: that I'm promising her things she shouldn't have or that I'm trying to bribe her. I think a "box of Cubans" would be a shock to her three month old system, at least as bad as the Mountain Dew. But on some level she also must be calculating what she'll be able to get for going to school. After all, an hour nap is worth a whole bag of jewels... I try to sneak in some gifts for me: And if that cell phone plan ain't free,
That doesn't seem to work. ("Waaah! This isn't about you, old man! Waaah!") Maybe she isn't running a tally of the things she's owed. She also seems to calm down for "Take Me Out to the Ballgame," but I don't like repeating that too often. It always sounds like the home team is bound to lose. I'm not trying to raise a little Red Sox fan. We've also used "Been Workin' on the Railroad" with some success, but why expose her to the horrors of work so early? So I go back to "Hush Little Baby." I don't think she'll let me off the hook just 'cause the song says Mama's gonna do the buying. I don't want to give the wrong impression here, she's a really good baby. Now, for example, she's sleeping. Hopefully not dreaming of a bright pink goat. |